Eta Naru
by Mountain Blue
Summary: Is life really that simple? Both Ken and Aya have to find that out... but can they? After the assassination of Esset, Ken is feeling lonely....
1. Noctiluna

**Eta-Naru (eternity)**

_"Basium dano ops redimio animus pro infinitio."_ Chapter 1 : "Noctiluca" (moon)

* * *

"Wow, isn't that amazing?" Omi exclaimed as he looked up at the clear October sky. The nights were few that there were no clouds, and the omniscient moon was able to be seen in the sky, along with the millions of twinkling lights called stars.  
  
No words were expressed, but the four assassins showed their appreciation by staring silently upwards into the endless abyss, enjoying the peace and quiet.  
  
Ken shifted uncomfortably. He was perhaps the only one out of Weiß that didn't like the moon as much as the others. Ken wasn't one to particularly enjoy silence, except when he was trying to sleep. But that wasn't all too surprising considering he was a star soccer player, and other than Omi he loved being able to express his youthful energy. Sitting there, in the grass with Yohji, Aya, and Omi resting in the limbs of the tree a few feet away, he just didn't feel quite safe. But, he wasn't really sure why. Maybe it was the fact the the silence always made him think that at any moment, something could spring out and attack without him being prepared.  
  
It only took a tiny bit of Omi's cuteness to drag all of them outside. Aya complied just so 'he wouldn't whine', Ken had shrugged and went along, and Yohji just couldn't resist the young boy's adorable smile.  
  
Ken, getting rather skittish and nervous, got up and retreated into the flower shop to get away from the uncomfortable silence. He looked out the window at his comrades, and it seemed like they were all in a trance. Not one set of eyes blinked away from the glowing orb in the sky, it was rather... statuesque. He thought for a moment, then realized it was kind of creepy and went to make himself something to eat.  
  
---  
  
The brunette sighed and poked a fork at his sweet cake. It took him ten minutes to eat half of his piece, and though it was rather good cake, he just couldn't stomach it.  
  
Another exhausted sigh left Hidaka's lips just as the three others entered through the back door. Neither of them said a word to each other, just yawns and stretches acheived from the late hour. It was practically midnight and none of the Weiß boys had gone to bed yet, and Ken spied Yohji smack himself when he realized he was supposed to open the shop early the next morning.  
  
While Bombay and Balinese went upstairs to retire, Aya stayed behind and sat on the couch, making an "umph" noise when he hit the soft cushion. The redhead rubbed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes just for a moment.  
  
"You're going to get bags under your eyes if you don't go to bed." Ken said quietly, as not to disturb the others. He gave a little smirk and looked at Aya, who cracked an eye open in his direction.  
  
Abyssinian didn't answer. Not that he really liked to answer _anything_, of course. But, he did have that uncanny knack of speaking with his expressions, even though his face was usually either a glare or a frown anyway. But even for Aya, there were rare times he showed some warmth in his eyes, though not to often. He'd probably melt if he did that.  
  
"Don't stay up too late. If you wake up late again, omae o korosu." Aya said in that forboding voice he always has, before giving in to his sleepyness and dragging himself upstairs.  
  
---  
  
Ken stared at the crumbs on his now empty plate. _What's my problem?_ He asked himself as he stared at his distorted reflection in the shiny plate. Normally, he was hyper and happy... but he just couldn't bring himself to be like that these past few days. But, nothing had even been different! Sakura made her usual rounds to see Aya once a week or so, there was no lapse of customers, and other than the fact that there were no more missions, everything was normal. Hell, he even got to play his favorite sport more often. So what was the problem?  
  
The fact that nobody ever realized his existence...?  
  
Ken put his head down on the table and let out a disgruntled noise. He hated it. He knew that things were going to be different, but he didn't know things were going to be _this _different. Neither Aya, Yohji, and not even Omi said more than a sentence to him each day, and it was usually just asking him to do some task. Oh sure, once in a while a pleasant conversation would start up, but how long would that last?  
  
_It's not just that._ Siberian realized. It wasn't just all three of them paying no attention to him that got hin bothered, it was... he.. he wanted Aya to notice him. And oh, Ken realized how cliche it was to think Aya was the most beautiful creature on the planet, but he didn't care. He thought Aya was the most beautiful creature on the planet.  
  
Ken threw his fork into the wall angrily, then slowly got up and placed his plate in the sink. He yawned and stretched, completely forgetting what time it was.   
  
"Oh shit, I should really get upstairs to bed." Hidaka whispered to himself, trudging upstairs. As he passed Aya's room, the scent of fresh strawberries rushed into his nostrils. _Mmm.  
_  
_What would I give to run my hands through that hair..._  
  
As he flopped down onto his bed, the only thing he could think of was Aya, and how childish he was being for having these feelings. It wasn't like there was anything he could do besides sit and watch from afar. Aya was too cold and stand-offish to care about somebody other than himself, if he even cared for himself, that is.  
  
Just as he was drifting off to sleep, he caught a glimpse at the moon. And for that moment, it wasn't scary anymore.. but it was beautiful and serene.  
  
---  
  
"Who the hell stuck this fork in the wall?!" Yohji exclaimed, yanking a frosting covered fork out of the wall in the kitchen. He turned to Aya and Omi, who were sitting at the table, devouring their breakfast.  
  
"Geez, you guys see this? Ken must have either really not liked this cake, or made a really bad attempt at killing a fly."  
  
Upstairs, Ken rolled over in his bed, getting drool all over his pillow. He snorted and opened his eyes, taking a peek at his alarm clock on the nightstand. He started to roll over again to go back to sleep, when he took a double take at the big red numbers on the clock.  
  
"8:30?! Shit! Aya's going to kill me!"  
  
At the table, Aya took a sip of his coffee and shifted his eyes towards the clock on the wall.  
  
"He's late."

* * *

--End chapter one--


	2. Iratus

Chapter Two : "Iratus" (angry)

* * *

Little white bubbles of soap collected on the shower knob as Ken turned the cold water all the way on. Not only would taking a freezing shower wake him up, but he would also be punishing himself for waking up late. After all, it was his fault for staying up until one in the morning anyway.  
  
He only let himself take 5 minutes in the shower though, if he was any more late than he already was, Aya was sure to behead him. Ken cringed when he got the image of the redhead angry. It wasn't yelling or screaming he hated, it was his cold, icy stare. The stare that could burn holes in your head if he got angry enough. His stare could freeze all the blood in your veins and turn your legs to jelly... but, Ken's legs felt like jelly whenever he looked at Aya anyway.  
  
Ken turned the shower off and shook himself like a wet dog, trying to get rid of the coldness. He threw on clothes and ran downstairs, tieing his apron as he entered the kitchen.  
  
Yohji turned around and threw the fork at him. "G'morning, sleeping beauty. Get a little angry at the wall last night? Oh I could understand, it _is _painted an awful shade of blue, isn't it?"  
  
The brunette rolled his eyes at Yohji and shifted his eyes to Aya, who was now at the sink washing his dirty plate. He placed his dish in the cabinet, dried his hands and turned around to Ken, and squinted his eyes. There it was, that stare that made Ken melt... and all of a sudden, Siberian was stiff.  
  
Aya crossed his arms over his chest lazily. "You made holes in the wall. And you're late. Did you set your alarm?"  
  
Ken gulped, and shook his head no. He hung his head in shame, waiting for his partner to start yelling at him, or call him useless, or... something.  
  
"Do you remember I said I'd kill you if you were late, when you were the one who told me to go to bed at 12:30 last night?"  
  
A nod.  
  
"Good."  
  
And with those words, Aya tied his own apron and pushed open the door into the shop.  
  
Ken's eyes widened and he scratched his head. Thats it...? No yelling, no cussing, no name calling? No punishment? No extra chores? Well, not that the redhaired assassin really _could_, anyway, its not like Ken was his son or something. But when Aya said something, ninety five percent of the time it usually meant he would do it. Even Omi and Yohji, who had witnessed Aya's actions, were staring at Ken in bewilderment. It was like he had just gotten news he won the lottery.  
  
"Wow." Omi said, taking off his hat and putting it on again. "You're lucky, Ken. What did you do to make him go so easy on you? If it was anyone else, we would have gotten busted."  
  
Yohji snapped out of it and turned to finish washing his dishes. "Well, its not like he broke a window or anything Omi. He woke up an hour and a half late, its not the end of the world."  
  
"With Aya.. it is."  
  
With that comment, both Yohji and Ken looked at Omi. He was right, they hated to admit. Aya was anal with everything, and Ken wasn't usually an exception, no matter what little thing was out of place. Maybe something had finally managed to pull that stick out of Abyssinian's ass.  
  
---  
  
Ken had decided not to bring it up right away. It wasn't really a big thing, but he really couldn't help dwelling on it. He had to get on fixing and painting over those little holes in the wall before he really _did_ get yelled at.  
  
He sighed and continued watering the carnations, confused as to what to think. _Maybe I shouldn't dig so much into it_, Ken thought to himself. After all he was used to people ignoring him, especially Aya. He didn't really expect much more from him anyway. Ken looked around him, watching the others work, Yohji and Omi occasionally exchanging a word or two. Sometimes he wished he was Yohji... hell, he sure gets a lot of attention.  
  
After 30 minutes of watering the same section of flowers while staring at the back of Aya's head every few minutes, he decided to switch places with Yohji and work the register. But before he could put the hose down and walk over there, Yohji was already beside him.  
  
"Whats with you and Aya?" He whispered into Ken's ear.  
  
Ken raised an eyebrow. There was something going on? "What are you talking about?"  
  
"I've been watching you two." He breathed into the brunette's neck. "Every time you turn around from staring at him, he turns around to stare at you."  
  
A faint blush appeared on Ken's cheeks and he glanced over his shoulder, and caught a tiny glimpse of violet eyes before Aya turned around again. He felt Yohji crack a smile and his cheeks became redder, at a complete loss of words. And thoughts, for that matter. What the hell was going on? All he did was wake up a little late! Ken swallowed.  
  
"Yohji, I want to work the register for a while."  
  
He shook his head, dropping the hose and walking over to the counter. Yohji let out a grunt and picked it up, turning on the switch and moving over to the tulips.  
  
---  
  
He couldn't take it. He couldn't stop moving eyes to watch Aya. He wasn't doing anything besides helping customers, but there was just something about the way he moved that kept Ken in a trance.  
  
Before he could realize, he heard Aya calling his name.  
  
"Ken, I need your help with something."  
  
Ken shook his head and looked around, and realized nobody else was in the store. No more customers, but where were Omi and Yohji?  
  
"Yohji went to make a delivery, and Omi felt sick so he went to bed. So stop looking around like that and help me with this arrangement."  
  
Ken simply nodded and joined Aya at the back table, listening to him explain the task at hand. He instructed Ken to hold up a foam heart so he could stick roses into it without squishing the ones in the front. A simple task, but every so often Ken couldn't help but inhale the sweet smell of Aya's shampoo. _Mmm, strawberries..._ Was now his chance..?  
  
"Aya... why.. why didn't you yell at me? I mean, you told me you were going to--"  
  
"Shh."  
  
Ken raised an eyebrow. "But Aya--"  
  
"Shh."  
  
Okay. now he was _totally _confused. Did something happen that Aya wasn't telling everyone else about? He was so used to the redhead being irritable and standoffish. And he sure was being distant, but not irritable? That was kind of new... not that Ken was complaining or anything, but he was a little worried.  
  
"...Is there something you want to talk about?"  
  
Ken shook himself out of his thoughts and looked up, staring right into Aya's beautiful violet eyes.  
  
Something he wanted to... talk about..?

* * *

__

_"Basium dano ops redimio animus pro infinitio." _


	3. Lacuna

Chapter Three : "Lacuna" (words)

* * *

Of course he wanted to talk, there were so many things he wanted to talk about... how he felt, his nervousness, he wanted to ask Aya if he felt the same. Ken's mind couldn't go fast enough to say all the things he wanted to respond with. Aya had just asked such a broad question... _what should I say?_  
  
"Um, I... well..."  
  
The only thing Siberian was thinking about now was how red he knew his face was getting.  
  
"No, nothing."  
  
Ken heaved a sigh of relief. For some reason, he felt like he just lost a whole bunch of weight on his shoulders. He was hoping Aya wouldn't pick another question that would back him into an emotional corner. Unfortunately, Ken could hear the faint rustling of the leaves and petals on the foam heart, meaning his hand was shaking from tension. Being around Aya too long did that to him. Geez, he felt like he was a little schoolboy around a pretty girl he had a crush on.  
  
"A-**hem**."  
  
Ken looked up to see Aya staring that disgruntled stare at him. Abyssinian snatched up Ken's wrist in one quick movement, holding it still. The brightness from the goalie's eyes dissipated and a gasp escaped his throat, as violet eyes met teal.  
  
He felt embarrassed. Ken never came into physical contact with Aya for any other reason besides a mission. And now, he had such a hard grip on Ken, he thought the bloodflow to his fingers was stopping.  
  
"You're going to mess it up."  
  
It felt good not to have fingers digging into his wrist. But now, Ken felt even more embarrassed. He looked up from rubbing his arm, and realized that Aya was still burning his eyes into his skull. Siberian ran a hand through his hair and tried to relax. But that was kind of hard when he had someone staring at him.  
  
"Ken."  
  
A shuffle of his feet. A cough. "Yeah, Aya?" _Oh no._  
  
There was a short pause as his object of affection finished pinning a "Get Well" banner on to the front of the arrangement.  
  
"..Don't ever lie to me."  
  
Teal eyes widened and a small gasp escaped Hidaka's throat, as Aya picked up the heart and walked into the back room with it to box it up. _How did he know I was lying?_ Wait, of course he knew. The leader was supposed to know everything, especially if someone was lying. It was definitely a skill he had picked up over time. _The question is, what does he think I need to talk about?_ He was a little glad though, because that was practically the only semi-conversation they had ever carried out without the help of an arguement.  
  
What was he supposed to say? What was there to do? He couldn't just walk right in there and scream 'Aya, I'm not lying! I love you!' and leap into his arms.. that wouldn't go too well.  
  
---  
  
Ken felt safer in the confines of his bedroom. There was nobody else to see him, or listen to him, or bother him. Hell, nobody else did any of those things anyway. He was just another face to his three comrades.  
  
Sometimes, he didn't understand what made him so different from everyone else. What made Yohji have a thing for Omi, what about him attracted Yohji... he was curious. Ken knew Yohji would be confronting him soon anyway, because now that he had a suspicion that Aya and him had the hots for eachother, he wouldn't be left alone. But part of Ken wanted that help.. if anyone was an expert at feelings and emotions, it was definitely Yohji.  
  
Part of Ken was also scared that Yohji would confront Aya about it. If Aya suspected at all that Ken had feelings for him, he'd never be able to face the violet-eyed beauty again. He didn't want that to happen, he was perfectly content with Aya treating him like nothing.  
  
Even though that really wasn't how he'd been acting lately...  
  
Ken wasn't even aware of the fact that he was tossing an turning, and he actually was starting to sweat. He was so nervous there was no way to describe it... Yohji as definitely going to say something to both of them, or at least he thought so, at the last thing he wanted was to be humilated to the one he really cared about.  
  
"What the hell is going on... how did everything change all of a sudden?"  
  
Ken whispered as he snuggled into his pillows and blankets. It was only just before dinner time, but even the all-time cheery soccer player felt a little too upset to go down there with the rest of them.   
  
The only thing he was thinking about was change. He wondered how things had changed so fast... why were his feelings for Aya suddenly brought to a dangerous high? And why was Aya suddenly giving him an ounce of attention as opposed to none at all? Ken couldn't figure it out, and it had him baffled. Maybe he was dwelling on it too much again. Maybe things were just different because the oh stoic one decided to turn over a new emotional leaf? This probably wasn't about Ken at all... but he couldn't help getting his hopes up.  
  
---  
  
"Where's KenKen the soccer-man?" Yohji said teasingly as he thumbed through a magazine. He yawned and smelled the sweet aroma of pasta as Omi finished cooking. He made sure not to cough or sneeze over the stove, of course.  
  
Omi turned and glanced at the staircase. "I think I saw him go upstairs a little while ago. Maybe he's in his room."  
  
"You think he caught whatever you have?" Yohji looked over his glasses at Omi.  
  
"Nah." He sniffled.  
  
"He was fine this morning. But he seemed a little shaky this afternoon."  
  
Bombay and Balinese both looked at Aya with a confused face on. Ken was hardly ever sick, he always tried to keep him self in the best of shape so he could play soccer. It was that, and the fact that the brunette was usually always hungry and never missed a meal unless absolutely necessary. After all, he was a growing boy, right?  
  
"Think this has something to do with the angry fork in the wall?" Yohji amused himself by making fun of Ken.  
  
"Why can't you just let that drop?"  
  
Yohji furrowed his eyebrows and looked behind him to where the voice had come from. There was Ken, standing on the bottom step with wet hair, a ripped pair of jeans on and a towel over his shoulders. Not to mention sporting a kind of angry look directed at his older friend. So what if he already took a shower that morning? He definitely needed another one.  
  
Omi sent Ken a worried look. "That was pretty long shower Ken.. and why aren't you wearing a shirt?"  
  
"I was laying down a for a little bit, and because its hot up there."  
  
The cushion made a faint squeak sound when Ken sat in a chair and leaned back in it. He was tempted to put his feet up on the table but he knew Aya would yell at him for that.  
  
Yohji leaned over and whispered into his ear, little droplets of water getting on his nose from wet hair.  
  
"He's looking at you again, you know."  
  
A small blush formed on little KenKen's cheeks when he tried to sneak a look at Aya. Sure enough, when he lifted his eyes, Aya was looking straight into them. But, instead of pulling their eyes away, neither of them flinched.

* * *

_"Basium dano ops redimio animus pro infinitio."_


	4. Oculatus

Chapter 4: "Oculatus" (Amazing eyes)

* * *

Ken wasn't sure whether he should be scared or aroused. The redhead had the piercing look of a tiger and the cloudy look of lust. Ken felt like they were glued- teal and violet stuck together in a battle of who was going to turn away from the other first.  
  
And then, Ken realized that Aya had averted his gaze from his eyes... to the rest of his body. Siberian and Yohji studied closely as those menacing eyes took in every curve, abscess, and muscle of Ken's defined chest. But before he could realize what Aya was doing- he blinked.  
  
Aya blinked several times and shook his head out of the trance.  
  
Ken wasn't sure if he was liking this attention. Then again, he also wasn't certain whether or not Yohij's notions about Aya liking him were true, or if he was studying him for another scheme- like his demise or something. Being loved or being killed? Ken really hoped Yohji was right.  
  
Unfortunately, Yohji chose that exact moment in time to have some fun.  
  
A sweatdrop formed on Ken's head when Yohji licked the rim of his ear and laid a hand across his chest. Then he hoped to God that this was just another one of his tests. Then again, what if Yohji was right about Aya's feelings? He really didn't want to see Aya's katana embedded into Yohji's body. But once Yohji started, there was really no stopping him.  
  
The wethead was starting to get a little irritated. What was he anyway, an assassin or a home wrecker?  
  
Omi just stared in confusion at the scene. He wasn't sure whether to cry, laugh, or punch Yohji. But somehow, the look on his face claimed that it wouldn't be hard to do all three of them. He wasn't exactly sure what he was supposed to do- stop Yohji? ..Nah, he'll just wait to see what happened. After all, if Yohji really loved him he'd only be doing that for fun, right?  
  
Aya though, wasn't even close to being as amused as Yohji or Omi was. In fact, Ken could swear another few hundred wrinkles were going to be permanently set in to his forehead. Annoyance started to take over Ken's feelings. What the hell was he supposed to do, read Aya's thoughts? _He never tells me anything._ Ken thought as he looked at Aya's contorted face. It was obvious there was something wrong, but how was he supposed to tell what it was? Was it because Yohji was acting like an idiot? Was it because Aya really _did_ like him? Or he was making him angry? Was it because of the holes he put in the wall? Omi's food was giving him indigestion? Whatever it was, the redhead certainly wasn't letting his fellow Weiß member know. And Ken was getting tired of playing these games.  
  
"Why do you keep staring at me like that?! Is there a problem?" Ken pushed Yohji away roughly and banged his fists on the table. "If you have something to say to me, say it now."  
  
Aya watched the little water droplets from Ken's hair fly across the table when he banged his fists against it. His eyes shifted to Yohji who was on the floor and a bit angry and furrowed his eyebrows. Aya looked at Omi as if he was going to find some sort of answer. He wasn't completely sure how to respond to that question…  
  
Yohji adjusted his crooked sunglasses and climbed back into his seat. "No need to get hostile now, KenKen. I was just playing around."  
  
Ken tugged at his hair and lost it.  
  
"I don't WANT to play around!! I'm tired of playing around!! I'm tired of your stupid concepts and ideas and I'm tired of listening to you! I just want things to go back to the way they used to be!"  
  
With that, he ran up the stairs, leaving just a trail of water behind.  
  
The three others just stared at each other in bewilderment, not sure whether to chase after Ken or leave him be.  
  
---  
  
Ken fell on his bed with a thud and buried his face in his pillow. He wasn't certain whether he wanted to cry or be angry. But maybe that was part of love? After all, love is a mixture of all kinds of feelings- he just wasn't sure which one he wanted to be feeling right now. Ken was weary of all these games that Aya was playing. And Yohji, for that matter. He didn't want to be stressed out anymore.  
  
After all, it's okay to be angry at someone you love, right?  
  
But, he _did_ wish that things were the way they used to be. Even though he liked having peace, at least things were somewhat normal when they still had missions to venture on. In any case, he didn't have time to get confused with all these feelings back then, did he?  
  
---  
  
"I don't think I have the stomach to eat anything anymore." Omi stated with a disgusted face as he pushed back his plate with his index finger.  
  
After that ordeal, I don't think any of them really could eat anything.  
  
Aya just stared at the pasta with an angry face on, as if somehow the noodles had offended him. The redhead wasn't sure what he was feeling either; perhaps annoyance at himself for being concerned, or just generally pissed off at Ken for making a scene. He never understood that boy, for whatever reason he always seemed different than any of the others. He had such emotions and cared about so many things- and even _Omi _wasn't that emotional. Just usually when it came to him and Yohji. Nevertheless, Aya was curious as to what was bugging the robust soccer star. It's not like he really had anything to worry about, right?  
  
"Aya, you going to eat anything?" Yohji's voice cut into his thoughts and Aya looked up into his frowning face.  
  
Even if he wouldn't admit it, Yohji did feel a little bad about how he embarrassed Ken. And that was a step, because usually embarrassing people was one of Yohji's favorite pastimes.  
  
Aya stood up and pushed his chair in as an answer to his friend's question. Without a word he scraped his food into the trash and put his plate into the sink. With Omi and his koi watching his every move, Aya took a quick glance at the moon outside before making his way up the winding staircase.  
  
---  
  
The pillow that Ken had over his head blocked out a lot of noise, and he was damn grateful for that. He really didn't feel like hearing Yohji or anyone else complain or bitch at him. Ken really didn't get annoyed easily, but that was one thing that bothered him.  
  
But, the pillow didn't block out the quiet tapping coming from his door.  
  
Ken grunted and threw the pillow at the doorknob. The individual on the other side took that thump as an indication that it was okay to come inside.  
  
_Oh God, what is it now?_  
  
But to Ken's surprise, when he looked up, it wasn't Yohji coming to bitch or Omi trying to console.  
  
Instead, it was an intimidating redhead, who insisted on putting him into shock again with his dangerous violet eyes.

* * *

__

_"Basium dano ops redimio animus pro infinitio."_


	5. Conatus

Chapter 5: "Conatus" (Impulse)

* * *

Ken stared into the colored abyss for a few seconds before he snapped out of it and wondered why Aya was in his room. Aya wasn't one to bitch at petty things like this, and he was certainly not coming to make him feel better. With his pillow sitting at Aya's feet, he pulled the blanket that was around his waist up over his head. He made an unpleasant grumble when he heard footsteps coming towards his bed.

Ken made an 'oof' sound when the sheets were roughly yanked off his head.

"Okay, I give up Aya... what is it that you want?"

Abyssinian just stared at the tiny streaks of water that traveled down Ken's face and how his wet hair plastered against his forehead. The moonlight came through his window and struck the back of Ken's head, making his hair and body glisten like he was a God. Although, Aya's visions were stopped when he saw Ken's face contort into an annoyed expression. The brunette let out an angry growl.

"Didn't I tell you to stop staring at me like that unless you have something to say?! What do you want?"

Aya brushed a piece of Ken's hair out of his face. "Time."

"Time for what..?"

"Time for things to go back to the way they used to be. When nobody had time to think or get angry."

Ken let out an exasperated sigh. "When does any of that pertain to you anyway? You never even _talk_ to any of us!"

Aya squinted his eyes and his lips creased into a frown. He didn't seem like he was _totally _unfeeling.. did he? He didn't mean to.. it was just the way he was and it was kind of hard to just stop being who you are. Aya really did care about his comrades to an extent, but he never really sat down to think about it...

Ken turned to face the wall. "You never tell any of us anything anyway. Hell, even if you did, nobody ever tells _me_ anything! I'm always left out of the loop like I'm just an extra. I don't even know why I still live with you guys; I'm not getting any benefit out of it. All I ever do is get angry, whether if be from Yohji or just from being frustrated. God, I had less stress when I was killing people!"

Aya didn't know what to say. He never really knew what to say. Ken was right; he never really did grow accustomed to talking to any of them for whatever particular reason. He put a hand on Ken's shoulder and rolled him back over.

Tears cascaded down Ken's cheeks now, not just water. Ken rubbed his face roughly with an absent mind, trying not to show Aya his mushy side.

"What stresses you out?"

"...What?" Ken looked at Aya who was now kneeling next to his bed.

"I said, what is it that makes you stressed?"

A sniffle. "I don't know... a lot of things I guess."

"What kind of things?"

Sparking teal eyes made Aya frown. He wasn't exactly sure what was plaguing Ken, but he had half a mind to make it stop, right now. And, at the moment, Aya really _did_ wish he had that time back.. even if he didn't like killing people, he also didn't like to see Ken like this. He didn't know why he cared, but he did.

"How can I make it stop?"

Ken froze.

Aya was offering help. And even though he still spoke in his unfeeling monotone voice, a hint of concern and worry laced those words. But that was still a sentence that he had never heard his leader say.

Aya squinted and studied Ken's face hard. "Hit me."

"What?!"

"I said, hit me."

Ken just blinked several times and gave a big sniffle. "Why... would you want me to do that?"

"Because it'll help take out your frustration."

The brunette raised an eyebrow and swiped his hair back with his palm. He didn't know what to say... he couldn't hit the person he cared about. Hell, he couldn't hit _anyone_ just out of nowhere. Even if it was offered.

"Aya, I can't—"

"Do it!"

Ken squeezed his eyes closed and gave Aya a hard blow to the chin before he could give it a second thought. His fist was left extended and he panted heavily; and when he opened his eyes Aya was wincing in pain and gingerly touching where he was struck. Ken's eyes opened in horror and he couldn't believe that he had actually gone through with it. More tears streamed down Ken's face and he sobbed, he sobbed hard; and couldn't bear to look Aya in the face.

"...Ken."

He looked up to see Aya staring into his eyes sympathetically, telling him that it was alright without actually speaking. He wasn't angry, or upset, or scolding Ken. He _was_ there to comfort him. Comfort him in every way.

He put a graceful hand on Hidaka's shoulder and rubbed it gently to try to calm the boy down. He wasn't sure if the suckerpunch he received had relaxed him at all, but it had sure put Aya in a spin. It wasn't that gentle of a hit.

"Ken?"

Ken could see the little dots his tears were making on his sheets. He shook his head and wiped his eyes, and looked deep into the depths of Abyssinian's eyes that were the truth.

Droplets of tears flew through the air as Ken flung himself towards Aya without warning and landed a kiss on his pale, warm lips.

Aya's eyes widened and his hands shook, a tiny trickle of blood falling down the corner of his mouth. He could feel Ken's hot tears hitting his face. He didn't know what to do.

* * *

_"Basium dano ops redimio animus pro infinitio."_


	6. Amburo

Chapter 6: "Amburo" (burn)

* * *

If _this_ was Ken's idea of taking out his frustration, Aya certainly had the wrong idea before. He didn't know what he should do… was he scared?  
  
Tears mixed with blood on Aya's cheeks as he softly leaned into the kiss, his eyes shutting close with ease. Ken held onto him with all of his might; his strong arms wrapped around Aya's shoulders as if he thought Aya would start running away. And with his personality, he just might have.  
  
The redhead's throat let out a quiet purr before his eyes shot open in horror and he pushed Ken back onto the bed rather roughly.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing Hidaka?!"  
  
Aya wiped the blood from his lip and looked at Ken, but he wasn't sure why he was looking. He looked at Ken because he felt bad perhaps, or maybe he wanted to punch his face in for the bold move. Ken didn't even have a reaction to Aya's statement, he just lay there on his bed, looking so forlorn, so helpless; he didn't know how to respond. Neither of them did. Aya wasn't even sure why he came up into his friend's room in the first place.  
  
"…I… Aya, I'm…" Before he could finish his sentence he buried his face in the mattress and his body shook violently. He just cried silently, let the tears flow without making a peep.  
  
Aya just stared. He gingerly touched his lips and replayed that scene in his mind again, still in shock about what had just happened. He stood up and narrowed his eyes at his unhappy comrade without saying a word. A tentative pale hand reached out, maybe to touch Siberian, maybe to run fingers though his hair and tell him it would be okay. But his hand dropped and Aya took a deep breath. Ken's room lost its warmth as Aya slammed the door behind him when he walked out.  
  
---  
  
"Ken likes to spend a lot of time in his room lately." Yohji stated as his leader came down the stairs. "Find out any idea why?"  
  
Pained lilac orbs burned into Yohji's skull as if to say he didn't want to talk about it without actually telling him so. "No. He wouldn't talk to me." He turned his head away, and Yohji could have sworn he heard Aya's voice crack.  
  
---  
  
Thinking. That was something Ken had to start doing from now on. But he couldn't help it. He was yearning for that kiss, to feel Aya against him. To feel his warm, sweet lips against is own. And although he longed for more, the kiss was short and chaste. But that was fine; at least he had gotten what he wanted for once. Even if it would never happen again.  
  
He wondered what actually compelled him jump at Aya. All this time he could hold himself back, no matter how many times he had watched the magnificence from afar. And now all of a sudden, he let himself just dive on him? He let himself be embarrassed? And worst of all, now Aya knows about his feelings! Ken had struggled for so long not to let any word get out, not to let anything compromise the nice life everyone thought he had- and now, Aya was suspicious of him. And there was nothing he could do to make Aya forget.  
  
Ken didn't want to have to ignore his companion. That was the _last_ thing he would want.  
  
So, maybe… he didn't have to?  
  
Maybe if he stopped grieving, and tried to make the best of things...  
  
---  
  
Yohji wondered why the hell Omi spent all his damn time on that computer. "I'll be back in a minute Aya, I just want to go see what that little squirt is up to."  
  
The leather couch made a weird noise when Yohji got up from it and went into the next room. He'd be back in a minute, he never misses an episode of Gravitation. That Yuki Eiri fella, boy was he good lookin'.  
  
But Aya knew the sexual intentions Yohji had.  
  
Aya's ear's twitched when he heard footsteps coming from behind him. Strong bronze arms coiled around his neck and a cheery "Hello!" came from the back of his head. He knew it was Ken, but what he wondered was why all of a sudden he was as joyful as ever. Ken let loose his grip on Aya's neck and plopped down next to Aya on the couch, watching the TV intently. A sweatdrop formed on Abyssinian's head.  
  
"What'cha watching?" Ken said enthusiastically.  
  
"Gravitation." Aya put on his usual cold, icy gaze. He didn't know what KenKen was up to, but he didn't want to have anything to do with his plan.  
  
Ken put on his cutest face and rubbed his head into Aya's arm. _I don't know if this plan will work, but it sure as hell is worth trying.  
_  
Aya moved away. "I don't know what's gotten into you, but whatever it is it's not amusing." He said in his usual, monotone voice. He turned his face away from the brunette and turned his nose up.  
  
"There is no shame in loving someone, Aya."  
  
Fujimiya's eyes widened at that comment and he stared at Ken for a long time. Ken flung a hand up to his mouth. _Oh shit oh shit oh shit._  
  
Ken's plan was a bust and he had barely even gotten started. Although he generally stood by that statement, he never thought he'd be saying it to the person _he_ loved. And, even though he had really not said 'I love you', that sentence was pretty damn close to it. That could be loosely translated to 'I love you and I don't care what you think.' Or, In Ken's situation, he hoped Aya would take it as 'I don't love you so please disregard what I'm saying.'  
  
Aya got up from the couch and looked straight into Ken's frightened eyes. He clenched his fists so tight they turned white, and he took a deep breath. Ken stood up and opened his mouth to say something, probably an explanation, but Aya cut him short by socking him rough in the stomach.  
  
Ken toppled over and leaned his chin on Aya's shoulder. "A-Aya… why… it-it burns… burns…"  
  
Aya said nothing and laid him gently on the leather couch, putting a pillow behind his head as his face scrunched in pain. Payback? No, he couldn't say that, because he was the one who told Ken to hit him first. It was more like anger.  
  
Unfortunately, Yohji and Omi took that moment to walk in from whatever they were doing. Aya was sure he didn't want to know what it was. As per usual, Omi got alarmed and rushed to Ken's side. Nothing serious, he definitely looked winded.  
  
"What the hell happened to Ken?" Yohji said, quirking an eyebrow.  
  
"Don't worry about it, I'll take care of it."  
  
Aya put a gentle hand on Omi's shoulder and signaled him to leave with Yohji. They both nodded and retreated upstairs for sleep.  
  
A sigh escaped pastel lips and he kneeled down beside his comrade. Ken looked at him with soft eyes. Abyssinian brushed a gentle finger to Ken's ear to move a bit of hair out of the way, and whispered softly; "There _is_ no shame in loving someone, Ken, but there is shame in expecting something in return."  
  
With that, he stood, turned on his heel and followed his friends' footsteps upstairs, leaving a dazed teammate behind.  
  
It burned.

* * *

_"Basium dano ops redimio animus pro infinitio." _


	7. Cogitatio

Chapter 7: "Cogitatio" (thoughts)

* * *

Yohji had never seen Ken drag his feet so much in his entire life. It was like he was in slow motion 24 hours a day, and that wasn't like his J-League friend at all. He took an hour to mop the back when it usually took him 25 minutes, and he almost never ate. That really worried Yohji, considering 'bottomless pit' was his favorite nickname for Ken.

Yohji kicked over the mop bucket Ken was using and raised and eyebrow as Ken just looked at the spill, without making any effort to clean it up. He looked over his sunglasses and raked his eyes over the brunette; he was getting a bit thinner and paler.

"God, what's with you? You have no idea how annoying it is to see you like this."

A simple shrug. Yohji snatched the mop out of his hand.

"For the past three days you've done nothing but mope and sleep. You won't talk, you won't eat, and you hardly work. And Aya is staring at you with this look like it's all his fault. What's going on?!"

He poked the solemn man with the tip of the mop.

"It's nothing."

This earned a harsh and annoyed sigh from Yohji. He hated being lied to, especially when he had a pretty good idea what was going on. He dropped the mop and looked Ken straight in the eye. He couldn't help but frown, though; all the brightness and shine had left Ken's expression, and he was just an insipid face with washed out color.

"Did you kiss Aya?"

"...what?"

"You kissed Aya didn't you? Just tell me."

Ken nodded slowly. "Aa."

Balinese barely heard a sniffle come from his friend, but immediately he was holding Ken in his arms. If there was anything Yohji could do, it was try and comfort. Ken didn't realize that Yohji had seen Aya crying too, and he knew the truth.

"You have to realize something, KenKen... Aya is different from all of us. He's not used to feeling love, or compassion, or even care for another person. I mean, he does say he cares about us sometimes. But I don't think he knows what it means. Do you understand?"

Ken nodded into Yohji's chest. These past few days Aya just looked at him with a saddened stare, like.. he didn't know how to explain. It was almost as if he was _trying_ not to care for him.

"He cares for you, Ken."

Ken's heart stopped for a split second as he absorbed what Yohji had just said.

"I saw him crying. The night he punched you... I peeked in his door."

Aya.. cried? For him? _I'm so confused..._

"Excuse me Yohji... I think I need some time to myself..."

Yohji sighed as Ken pulled away from his arms and grabbed his jacket; heading out the front door quietly. He felt sorry for Ken in a way, but then he realized that it was Ken's own urges that made him do stupid things like that. But somehow, Yohji knew, everything would work out for Ken in the end.

---

Ken sat confused, staring into the sunset. Sparkles from the ocean he was sitting in front of made him squint, and he let out a deep sigh.

_Aya... cried? Aya never cries, ever..._

He wondered, what made someone love another person? I mean, he was sure the rest of the world didn't see Aya as a very lovable person. But he had captured Ken's heart even if he wasn't the perfect person. And most of all, there was something about Aya that made him really smile. So what if Abyssinian was a cold person? _Aya_ was the one who made him feel warm on the inside.

"It seems we both come to the same spot to think."

Ken whipped around to see the article of all his sorrows standing in front of him. He got angry, scared, and a little upset all at once.

Aya walked past Ken and sat a yard in front of him, the water from the sea splashing at his feet. They both let out a deep sigh, but made no move to try and talk to one another. Ken just let his eyes burn into the back of Aya's head, maybe hoping that if he stared long enough he might see the gorgeous face on the other side. He stared for a good 10 minutes in complete silence.

"I have a feeling our thoughts are interlaced."

Ken shook his head out of his stupor and took in Aya's sentence slowly.

"You think so?"

"..I _know_ so."

Even with that comment, Aya didn't seem to have a desire to look back at his pitiful friend. Every day KenKen was growing more and more certain that Aya was far out of his reach. He frowned at the crimson hair before him.

Ken began to throw little rocks he found in the sand. One to the left, one to the right, one to the left... he couldn't just sit in silence. That was part of Ken's personality. He wished he could just talk to Aya, lift him from this boredom. Or maybe not, since the person sitting before him was what drew Ken to this place anyway. He _had_ come here to think, but he couldn't seem to do that anymore with the person he was fantasizing about resting in the same sand.

"I can't figure out what makes me want to do it."

Ken stopped. Now he was curious.

"Makes you want to do what, Aya?"

"I can't figure out what makes me want to kiss you all the time."

Siberian blinked, several times. What had he just said? The object of all of his love and lust just admitted to wanting to _kiss_ him? Ken could feel the sweat beading down his bronze face. What was he supposed to say to something like that?

"Well... I... I don't know either."

For someone who was trying to be suave about his answer, Ken did a horrible job.

"I mean... I don't understand it. Every day I look at you and I just want to kiss you so bad. I get so jealous and paranoid when Yohji is all over you. I don't know what it is."

Ken was dumbfounded. His jaw hung open in shock. _Am I hearing what I'm hearing? _Aya was speaking about it like it was an everyday subject. 'Hi, how are you? How come I want to kiss you?' There was still no emotion, nor feeling in the words that Aya spoke.

Ken thought deeply. _Aya had a weird feeling? And he wanted to kiss me?_

He couldn't help himself.

"Aya... do you love me?"

* * *

__

_"Basium dano ops redimio animus pro infinitio."_


	8. Veritas

Chapter 8: "Veritas" (truth)

* * *

Ken, and Aya, both knew the answer that he was looking for. Whether or not he would get that answer, only Aya really knew.  
  
The brunette grew wide-eyed at his own rudeness, and wondered if Aya would give him another good punch to the stomach. It was a possibility; after all, Aya was quite unpredictable. What _on earth makes me decide to do such stupid things?_ He mentally smacked himself.  
  
To Ken's dismay, the redhead didn't give an answer. He simply stood from where he was sitting, brushed off his pants, and walked away. Now Ken was even more shocked than he was before. He wasn't even going to get an answer? Maybe Aya was afraid. Ken was, that was for sure. He wasn't sure _what_ he was afraid of, but he was definitely shaking.  
  
Maybe Aya didn't _know_ the answer…?  
  
Ken unconsciously reached out a hand to Aya's retreating form. _I'd give up eternity.. forever.. just to.. to…_

---  
  
"Aya knows the answer."  
  
"But Yohji, he just-"  
  
"That doesn't mean anything."  
  
Siberian looked up at Yohji and into his narrowed eyes. He rolled over on Yohji's bed and wondered how his companion seemed to know anything and everything. Kudou sat on the edge of his bed and sighed at Ken.  
  
"Ken, we've had this discussion before. Aya isn't like you, remember? It's going to take more than that simple question to get things out of him."  
  
Ken rose and banged his head against Yohji's chest.  
  
"Then how do I get him to tell me how he feels?"  
  
A long pause.  
  
"You have to melt his ice."

---  
  
_Yohji is a fucking retard. An idiot. Why do I listen to him?  
_  
Ken stood outside Aya's bedroom door after his interesting conversation with Balinese. His proposition to 'give Aya what he wanted' really didn't sound right to Ken, but hey, he'd been right about everything so far. He still didn't see how trying to seduce Aya was going to make him confess his love.  
  
He really wished he had more self confidence.  
  
Ken gave a light tap to Aya's door, almost inaudible. Well, muffled to Ken, anyway, because a quiet 'come in' was heard from the other side soon after.  
  
The door made a creak as Ken eased it open and poked his head inside, to spot Aya lounging on his bed. He shut the door without a sound and stood there, staring. Aya didn't bother to look up at him.  
  
"Why did you just-"  
  
"Don't speak."  
  
Ken raised an eyebrow. He wanted to know why Aya left without an answer.  
  
"But Ay-"  
  
"Just come here."  
  
Hidaka took two steps forward, hesitated, then took another two steps. He stopped when his shins hit up against Aya's bed, and looked at his comrade's sitting form. Even though Aya couldn't realize, Ken's heart was beating so fast at that moment he thought it was audible.  
  
Aya motioned for him to sit down. After he did, Ken lost control.  
  
"How could you do that to me, Aya? I was reaching out to you; ready to scream out that I needed you and wanted you there forever. I was ready to say that I loved you and _needed_ you so much and you just walked away. You just walked away and it seemed like you would never come back."  
  
Aya just looked into the depths of Ken's pained eyes. There was nothing he could say. So instead, he leaned forward and pressed the gentlest of kisses to Ken's lips.  
  
"I'm sorry, Ken. But I don't know love. I'm trying, but it's very hard…"  
  
"Sometimes you feel angry because you have these feelings."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Sometimes you think it's all for nothing.."  
  
"Yes… how do you know?"  
  
Ken just shook his head. It was useless trying to explain these things to the redhead, because he'd probably never understand. Not unless he really started to realize what love is.  
  
It was an impulse. It was instinct, too. Ken had Aya close to his chest, his arms wrapped around a lithe, pale figure. He wasn't sure whether Aya needed comforting, but he was sure that they were both confused. They sit in silence, just listening to each other's heartbeats, and Ken could swear he felt a teardrop hit his skin.

---  
  
"I thought you worked things out?"  
  
Yohji sat in the leather couch, still agitated that KenKen was glum again. Maybe it was because his plans never fail, or maybe it was because he was also annoyed that Ken didn't take his advice. Ken plopped down on the couch next to him.  
  
"He pushed me off the bed and yelled at me claiming I was the source of all his stress and anguish. Now tell me, Yohji, is that a man who is willing to learn what love is?"  
  
Suddenly Omi popped into Yohji's head. Maybe that little squirt was the answer to all of Ken's problems. But the trouble was, Yohji wasn't sure if Omi would really agree to anything he said. Unfortunately he was smarter than that. But then again, a little seducing never hurt anybody.  
  
"I have an idea."  
  
"I'm sick of your ideas."  
  
"Do you trust me?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Good."  
  
Yohji got up and went to search for Omi. Meanwhile, Ken sat there wondering what the hell he was plotting, and why the dumb blonde didn't bother to tell him about it. But Ken knew whatever it was; it would probably cause more problems than it was worth.  
  
All Ken wanted to do was be able to keep Aya warm at night. To give him a reason for living. And he was almost sure that lady-killer Yohji had no idea how to help him with that…

* * *

__

_"Basium dano ops redimio animus pro infinitio."_


End file.
